‘Til death do us part: marriage or motherhood? For some, it’s both but for better or for worse — not for all.
This is to all of the mothers: single, married, divorced, grandmothers… Because of all the things that I have done in my life, motherhood is the one thing that I might be getting right.
It hasn’t been easy — I’ve taken these girls through a lot, and we’re not done getting through things yet but that is life.
When I was a teenager, I was friends with a family who treated their mother like a queen. They too had 3 girls (and they had a brother). I hadn’t seen a family like this before, who showed such respect and tenderness towards their mom. They loved this beautiful and kind woman so much (and they still do) — I thought it was the nicest thing I had ever seen.
Now that I’m a mom, and I have been for almost 2 decades, my kids have friends who have far more than we have. We used to have a small fortune too, but we don’t anymore. However, we gained other things.
Through my recovery from all of the chaos that used to fill my life — and superficial things that distracted me from what’s really important — I somehow become that mom. Admittedly, some of my kids’ behavior would not have been tolerated in my friends’ Irish Catholic home back in the 80’s — my girls swear, and they talk back. However, I usually feel like that queen when I am with my three daughters. They do these little sweet things that make me feel loved:
Daisy calls me her “little modge” (derived from madre) and she finds tv shows for us to watch together — she and I love the cheesy ones! Not only that, she teaches me about all of the rappers and quizzes me to make sure I am keeping up. Sally is always there to pep me up when I’m down, to teach me meditation techniques, and at 16, she gives great advice! She makes sure that I know how much she appreciates our relationship by telling me so. Lucy looks out for her mom — buying me a book that she thinks I’ll like, sending me articles she knows I’ll find interesting, and she took her designated role of the second family chauffeur in stride — always willing to help me out. She even takes care of me when I’m sick.
When I first got divorced, I constantly worried about how we were going to raise the kids — now, with only four years left I still worry about it! But, things seem to be turning out ok so far. We have our setbacks and challenges. It’s not a straight line.
So, what I have done in other parts of my life — I’ve won some and I’ve lost some. But motherhood has been good to me. I used to have pity parties and think that only single moms had it rough, but I know that’s not true. We all go through similar things, whether we have a husband or not. Sometimes I wish that I had someone to bounce ideas off of, to commiserate with, or just to hold; but that hasn’t been my life, and that’s ok. One thing I’ve learned is that everything changes. Nothing ever stays the same. And that parenting is hard!
“For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, ’til death do us part?” — That sounds like motherhood to me! So, I wrote some self-love today to celebrate motherhood: one commitment I am sure to keep!
Happy Mother’s’ Day to all of the mothers: single, married, divorced, grandmothers… What are you doing to celebrate? For me, it’s simply brunching! 🙂